The Cancer of Yang: Reclaiming the Feminine

I once pulled something in my upper back during an overzealous day out on the water with my new stand-up paddleboard. It was a run-of-the-mill kind of injury — nothing serious. The kind of thing that just meant I needed to take it easy for a few days.

Yet when it happened, I pretty much had an emotional breakdown.

You see, this little injury, small and insignificant as it was, was not part of my plan. My plan was to go hiking, do yoga, work, teach, and then work some more over the coming week. Instead, this injury meant I couldn’t do most of what I had planned. It meant finding subs for my classes and rescheduling clients. It meant I would have to rest.

So, as I mentioned, I got really upset. I cried. I pleaded and bargained with God. I worried and fretted about lost opportunities and income.

Thankfully, even in the midst of feeling incredibly upset, I was also able to notice that I was in a lot of distress. I attribute this capacity for self-awareness to two things: decades of mindfulness practice, and luck.

As I sat with that distress, I realized it was showing me something about myself, as all of our reactions do. Looking into this great cosmic mirror, I caught a glimpse of an exhausted woman with an enormous to-do list, a nervous system on overdrive, and an inability to stop, slow down, relax, or let go.

Can you relate?

My distress was a symptom of a much bigger issue. And it’s not just me; this is something that affects all of us, so pervasive that most of us don’t even notice it.

One of my teachers calls it “The Cancer of Yang.” I think that’s a good name.

Yin and Yang: A Quick Primer

I’m sure you’ve heard of yang and its counterpart, yin. Yin and yang are a way of organizing and talking about energy that comes from the Taoist tradition. As an aside, there are many ways to organize energy – we have to, in order to talk about it – and no one system is more “right” than another. If I organize my markers by color and you organize yours by size, is one of us wrong? Of course not. But I digress.

For the purposes of this article, I’m using this Taoist framework. It holds that all energy can be classified into one of two categories: yin and yang.

Because English is my first (and, shamefully, only) language, I find it helpful to have English words to anchor these concepts. So: yang energy can also be called masculine energy, and yin can also be called feminine. The Taoist tradition holds that everything in the universe contains both of these energies.

A note on language: When I use the words masculine and feminine, I am not talking about gender. Regardless of what gender you identify with, we all have both energies within us. Feel free to substitute the words yin and yang instead if that works better for you.

These energies are opposites, and as a feature of human life, we experience opposites all the time. We experience darkness, without which we couldn’t understand light. We experience pain, without which we couldn’t fully appreciate pleasure. Opposing forces exist so that we can understand ourselves, each other, and all of life.

Crucially, the opposites always support each other. Without some darkness, we wouldn’t even notice the light.

Masculine energy is what gets us out of bed in the morning. It’s the engine – the force that pushes us forward, gets things done, and makes sense of the world. It’s linear, penetrating, and loves to categorize and organize.

Feminine energy is the opposite. It’s what puts us to sleep at night. It helps our bodies heal and our to minds relax. It allows us to simply be – with no goal, no destination, no need to do or achieve anything. It receives the present moment.

The Cancer of Yang

Our society suffers from a chronic excess of masculine energy. It has been cultivated and glorified to the extreme in modern Western culture.

This energetic imbalance manifests in many ways: constant busyness, an inability to rest, addiction to stimulation (hold on, I need to check my phone… okay, I’m back), dependence on stimulants, rampant insomnia, “adrenal fatigue,” nervous system burnout, and chronic physical and mental tension.

This excessive energy also shows up in rape culture and widespread pornography addiction. We see it in war culture and “shoot first, ask questions later” thinking. It appears in corporate malignancy and in a culture that measures individual worth by productivity, income, and appearance rather than by who we actually are. It leaves us feeling isolated, pitted against each other in an “every man for himself” world.

This is masculine energy gone rampant; yang run wild, with no yin to balance it.

And of course, when one energy runs rampant, the other gets repressed. In this case, it’s the feminine. This shows up as repressed sensuality (note: sensuality is not the same as sexuality – they’re related, but very different), the dismissal of non-linear thinking, and the suppression of intuitive wisdom.

Within this, we’ve created a society that teaches people to repress, discount, or ignore their feelings. Feelings are inherently feminine. And our feelings are so, so important – they carry the receptive, intuitive, non-linear dimension of our experience. They hold deep wisdom.

It breaks my heart to see people told – sometimes overtly, sometimes subtly – that there’s something wrong with what they feel. That they shouldn’t feel it, or shouldn’t feel it so strongly, or that the feeling can’t be trusted. Over time, people internalize this message and cut themselves off from their own wisdom. And any time you’re cut off from your wisdom, you’re cut off from your power.

When we repress our feminine energies, we lose access to the power of the feminine. And when the feminine loses its power, the masculine eventually burns out and loses its power too. When one component is out of balance, the whole system weakens. Remember: the opposites support each other.

So it’s not just feminine energy that has become disempowered – the masculine has lost its power too. As a society, we’ve let this out-of-control yang energy run us into the ground. It’s making us sick. And we have to wake up and do something about it.

Reclaiming the Feminine

At least part of the answer lies in reclaiming the feminine. This is trickier than it sounds.

Many of us fall into the trap of trying to fix our excess yang by doing more yang activities and calling them “natural” or “holistic” – when really, they’re just more of the same energy in disguise.

For example, I know many people living the new age/yoga/natural-living lifestyle who are constantly busy, overworked, and stressed, and who try to feel better by going to a regular yoga class. Yoga classes are wonderful, but even multiple classes a week won’t fix a problem that’s fundamentally rooted in lifestyle and a mostly unconscious suppression of the feminine.

(And, ass a long-time yoga teacher, I have to say: it also matters what kind of yoga you’re doing. Much of what’s popular in mainstream culture is – surprise – very masculine. High-intensity, heated, fast-paced practices are great for some people some of the time, but many anxious and burnt-out people are only deepening their imbalance by attending three of them a week.)

Special diets are another example. There’s an epidemic of digestive dysfunction, and we tend to treat it with elimination diets; GAPS, gluten-free, Paleo, and so on. These can absolutely be helpful – sometimes lifesaving – and I’m not against them. But very few practitioners are asking their patients: What are your stress levels like? Are you happy and fulfilled in your life? Do you have time to truly rest? Are you in touch with your body? Are you free to express yourself emotionally? Are you fulfilled in your intimate relationships? No amount of gluten-free bread or organic kale will create lasting change if you’re overworked, emotionally disconnected, and chronically tense. It doesn’t matter whether something is “natural” or “holistic” if it’s just a band-aid.

Real change – actually reclaiming your feminine energy rather than slapping a band-aid on it – is a deeply personal endeavor. No one can tell you how your feminine energy would look if you reclaimed it and integrated into your life; Feminine energy is introverted (masculine is extroverted), which means finding it is an internal journey.

It’s also a journey that requires courage. This excess of masculine energy is like the water we swim in. Creating real change means doing things differently – maybe even committing to a radically different way of life.

But please don’t despair. The masculine/feminine system wants to return to balance. Equilibrium is what naturally happens when we create the right conditions. The opposites are meant to support each other.

Some Places to Start

Here are some ideas to experiment with:

– Practice being, not just doing. The “beingness” of feminine energy allows us to be truly intimate – with ourselves, with others, and with the natural world. Finding the ability to “just be” creates a quality of connection that satisfies us deeply.

– Practice stillness. Masculine energy moves; feminine energy holds still. Try holding still in yoga poses, sitting on your couch or living room floor, or resting at the park. Keep in mind that stillness is not rigidity – it’s simply the practice of not moving your large voluntary muscles. And, If you feel antsy or agitated when you try, that’s telling you something. Take it in small doses.

– Practice deep, embodied listening. This is a profoundly feminine, or yin, skill – and many of us feel isolated because no one is truly listening. This kind of listening means simply receiving what the other person is offering while staying tuned to your own body. No doing, no judging. Just receive.

– Put down the phone. Take regular breaks from constant stimulation.

– Reclaim your sensuality – which, again, is not the same as sexuality. Sensuality is about your senses. For example, eat a piece of delicious chocolate and really taste it. Feel it. Notice how your body responds.

– Let things unfold. When you’re stuck on something, try allowing the answer to come rather than forcing it.

– Practice deep rest. Not couch-with-a-movie rest (though that has its place), but real restorative rest: body warm and comfortable, soothing music or sounds, eyes closed, muscles softening, body yielding to gravity. This is a tremendously simple yet powerful healing practice.

– Try nervines – a class of herbs that help restore a burnt-out nervous system. Some of my favorites: ashwagandha, lemon balm, lavender, chamomile, and milky oats.

– Reduce stimulants. Stimulants (even “natural” ones) are very yang. We use them to sustain a hyper-masculine lifestyle, which exhausts us, so we need more stimulants. You know the cycle. Coffee, anyone?

– Feel your feelings. Don’t apologize for them or make them smaller. Don’t dismiss them. Your feelings are a big deal. They matter, and they are your allies.

– Reclaim your intuition. Easier said than done, I know – but this kind of deep wisdom is your birthright. Find what helps you access it, whether that’s a class, a practice, or simply paying attention.

– Feel your body. Your feelings live in your body. Your sensual and intuitive information comes through your body. You don’t have to go anywhere or do anything special. You can feel your body right now, wherever you are. Like now. Just feel it.

– Say no. To activities, commitments, and people that don’t support you, don’t feel good, or simply make your schedule too full.

– Watch for unhealthy expressions of feminine energy. Have you ever pushed yourself so hard that you eventually crash – and suddenly all you want to do is eat oily food and lie on the couch for days? That’s what happens when excessive masculine energy becomes so extreme that it actually tips over into excessive feminine energy in an attempt to come back into balance. No energy is healthy in excess. Two wrongs don’t make a right.

The Road Ahead

In case you’re wondering: my upper back is feeling much better. Once I actually let go and gave myself permission to slow down, to be “unproductive,” to “waste time”, I started feeling genuinely good. Not just in my back, but mentally and spiritually too. It was such a valuable learning experience.

The real challenge is presenting itself now, as I’m feeling better and returning to my normal daily life. This is where the rubber meets the road. This is where I’m committing to reclaiming my feminine energy in a real, sustainable, long-term way. It’s going to be a journey – an adventure, a process, and probably a challenge. It may mean doing things that feel weird, or that worry me about what other people will think. But I’m certain the resulting wellbeing, equilibrium, and health will be more than worth the effort.

Care to join me? I challenge you, as I’m challenging myself, to reclaim your power by reclaiming your yin. In doing so, you give others permission to do the same. This is how we begin to heal – one brave individual at a time, choosing to live differently.

“Between the opposites lies the path.”

— Anonymous